Thursday, December 17, 2009
Totally unmotivated to go out or do anything this entire holiday. It seems to be a perfect way to sum up an entire crap year.
I went to the newly opened 313 with James, Charmaine and Jerry. We had dinner at Trattoria, and they messed up our orders 2 times and there was a blackout and so on. We ordered at 7pm and they gave us our food at 9pm. Anyway I'm not really sure what's so new and attractive about the new 313, it's just like all the other shopping centres.
It's really really sad. The whole of Singapore is just turning into a giant mall. There's Orchard Central, and then there's 311 (?) and Ion (I hate that electricity guzzling wasteland) and Iluma, and the new Meritus Mandarin Mall, and the Crown Prince Hotel undergoing refurbishing... Everything is changing dizzyingly fast, and Singapore is so crowded and cramped with all the influx of people and when one is walking down the streets one can hardly breathe...
It seems there's nothing we can do with our lives in Singapore. Our only sources of entertainment involve spending money. If you're out with friends, there's only so much you can do together. You can either
1. Have a meal
2. Shop
3. Watch a movie
It's horrible monotony! I feel like I'm going insane! Everytime I go out there's only the same damned things to do and the same damned choices.
Sure the best things in life are free. But whoever said that has to be shot. One can't live on air and water alone. I suppose one could live simply by eating plain fare everyday and not going out for activities. Which is sort of what I'm doing now. Everyone needs variety though. I suppose survival in Singapore depends on how well you can deal with monotony.
Of course the richer people can jetset around the world with their friends and do more interesting things and lead more interesting lives. Disclaimer: interesting doesn't necessarily mean good.
Here we are on an island that's getting more crowded by the day, and the only way we seem to be able to get by without breaking down from the stress is to chillout with friends by... spending money. Which you have to earn. Which you spend to get leisure. Which you have to earn. etc. The cycle goes on.
I'm tired. Well, I'm certainly resting this December. I'm not going out, I'm not partying, I'm just tired of all this frantic rush to get a breath of air in this country. A walk down Orchard Road just puts me in a massive depression. There seems to be such a desperate rush to stay current, it makes me feel like we're on the edge of a cliff, on the brink of destruction, and all these shoppers are just desperately trying to forget about the darkness lurking round the corner. I don't know, the economic situation is just getting me very edgy.
How long can the spending go on?It won't last forever. Soon all these shops that have been springing up and down these new malls in Orchard will be shutting down. And another generation of shops will come up. Kaleidoscopic flashes.
Change. I like change, but this is too fast. I can't keep up, I feel really old and dead and I'm lagging behind.
Maybe the only way to deal with it is to shed my skin and change along with the city.
There seems to be no way to breathe at a bearable rate in this country. Everytime we think we can work at a bearable pace, the government brings in more foreign labour. The minimum wage is lowered, and we get displaced by these people, we have to work harder for the same wages. And once we get used to this pace of life, more foreign labour comes in! We are like the horses in victorian England. We're taught to get accustomed to the "bearing rein", a strap used to keep horses' heads high, up to the point of breaking. And once we get used to that notch on the rein, it is tightened further.
There is no protectionism in this country. Well there is. The government protects the 'foreign talent'. Gabriel said it - Singapore is the only country where the foreigners get treated better than the locals. What are we, workhorses? I suppose we are. Small pawns in the big game.
The futility of it all!
To live a life of quiet despair. Actually I'm frustrated probably. It's not stress that's getting to me. I laugh in the face of stress. It's... I feel extremely, extremely thwarted. Everywhere I turn, I feel restricted. I'm stuck. I'm not exactly sure I can pin down the reason. It's really disgusting feeling that won't go away and it's affecting my appetite, my mood levels and my general will to live.
Okay I might be disturbing some of my students who will be reading this. I sound quite incoherent, I think.
Anyway... I'm having a pizza party this sunday at my place though. It seems the only way I can force myself out of this torpor.
Omnia mutantur
11:55 PM
